Holy Downhill Biking Batman!

The 'R' Word

Since there's been trouble on this blog with the 'R' word in the past, I thought I would post this Colbert interview with the CEO of the Special Olympics. It's worth watching just for Colbert's PSA at the end.

It Takes A Village

Here

Zombie Time Does It Again

One of the best zombie articles you'll ever read. I guarantee it!

I Have A Little Game For You To Play

Go to rottentomatoes.com and look up movies. Start by looking up political movies to ones that have political undertones and then compare reviews. I have found that most movies loved by the collective are also loved by movie critics, but not so much by the audience and vice versa. Here are a few obvious ones right off the bat. I tried to look for ones that had a lot of participants giving audience reviews.

1. Fahrenheit 911


2. Jesus Camp


3. An Inconvenient Truth

For the other side one only has to look up Mel Gibson movies. (Not that he represents conservatism but a lot people associate him with conservatives.)

1. The Patriot


2. Passion of the Christ (and to prove that the audience isn't just a bunch of bible thumpers I'll throw in Last Temptation of Christ as well)


3. Apocalypto

I have done this with movies that I thought were political just under the surface such as "Unstoppable" and "300" and found both results interesting. If you need further proof that the audience knows best, I'll point to one that isn't political as a throwaway.

Gayer Than Gay Porn

Anyone Watch The President Speak?

OK, let me start off by saying this. Our objective in Libya is not for humanitarian reasons like the president said it was. I don't believe it is for one second and I don't think Obama believes it either. The objective is to rid Gaddafi by taking advantage of an uprising. It's one of those once in a lifetime opportunities and Obama took it. Although in a half assed non-committal sorta way (and maybe even while kicking and screaming). Saying that The U.S. is handing operations to NATO is the same as saying The U.S. is handing operations to The U.S. When he says things like, "We're fighting for civilians" or "We're letting others take the lead" really makes him sound wishy-washy. He needs to own his decision. Unless, of course, he regrets it. In that case, he isn't wishy-washy. He's afraid. Which is a bummer. I really am goiong to give him the benefit of the doubt here. If Gaddafi eats it, I will have just a tad more respect for Obama.

I Do Not Disagree With Obama's Libya Decision

I thought it a bit late, but that doesn't seem to matter anymore since the rebels are starting to turn it around. What I take exception to is the total double standard. Apparently the collective doesn't hate war or policing the world or war abuses (like the latest kill team in afghanistan which is getting 1/10 the coverage as Abu Graib) at all. They hate conservatives. Namely christian conservatives. It was bad enough that Bush was a Republican, but a bible thumper too?

A Dumb War After September 11th, after witnessing the carnage and destruction, the dust and the tears, I supported this Administration’s pledge to hunt down and root out those who would slaughter innocents in the name of intolerance, and I would willingly take up arms myself to prevent such a tragedy from happening again. I don’t oppose all wars. And I know that in this crowd today, there is no shortage of patriots, or of patriotism. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war. What I am opposed to is the cynical attempt by Richard Perle and Paul Wolfowitz and other arm-chair, weekend warriors in this Administration to shove their own ideological agendas down our throats, irrespective of the costs in lives lost and in hardships borne. What I am opposed to is the attempt by political hacks like Karl Rove to distract us from a rise in the uninsured, a rise in the poverty rate, a drop in the median income — to distract us from corporate scandals and a stock market that has just gone through the worst month since the Great Depression. That’s what I’m opposed to. A dumb war. A rash war. A war based not on reason but on passion, not on principle but on politics. Now let me be clear — I suffer no illusions about Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal man. A ruthless man. A man who butchers his own people to secure his own power. He has repeatedly defied UN resolutions, thwarted UN inspection teams, developed chemical and biological weapons, and coveted nuclear capacity. He’s a bad guy. The world, and the Iraqi people, would be better off without him. But I also know that Saddam poses no imminent and direct threat to the United States, or to his neighbors, that the Iraqi economy is in shambles, that the Iraqi military a fraction of its former strength, and that in concert with the international community he can be contained until, in the way of all petty dictators, he falls away into the dustbin of history… …I know that an invasion of Iraq without a clear rationale and without strong international support will only fan the flames of the Middle East, and encourage the worst, rather than best, impulses of the Arab world, and strengthen the recruitment arm of al-Qaeda. I am not opposed to all wars. I’m opposed to dumb wars.

That was a speech given by Obama back in 2002 when America was discussing for what would be over a year whether or not to invade Iraq. A time when Bush got congressional approval and a time when Iraq had been issued up to 18 U.N. resolutions. None of which happened in Libya and yet the collective is painfully quiet. I am a little sick about it. In fact my hatred for the collective has turned into, ummm, more hatred. If there is anyone from the collective that will finally sympathize with Bush it will only be Obama, but in quiet and behind closed doors.

Libya vs. Iraq

Death Train

The only thing this train can't kill are the tired cliches.

I just watched Unstoppable last night. Meh... moments.
But as I was watching I realized the movie isn't about stopping a run-away train at all. It's about stopping corporate fat cats who make stupid decisions from their cell phones on golf courses and worrying about the bottom line.
But don't let the title confuse you. Armed with a man forced into early retirement in order to cut costs (Denzel Washingto), a rookie (Chris Pine), a federal bureaucrat, a cowboy hippy and a woman, the Death Train (corporate assholes) is in fact, stopped. Washington keeps his job, Pine gets the girl, the bureaucrat shows off his big brain, cowboy hippy becomes hero and the woman kisses Denzel. The Boss-man gets fired.
And then we all rejoice. YAY!

Fun With Dictators

Cracked has the top 5 craziest dictators. A couple, if not all, you will most certainly recognize, but you might be shocked at who didn't make the list. Here

People are Lame

Here's something I read.

Cory Casciato (From The AV Club)

"I was a superfan of Robert Heinlein (and yes, I know this makes me a giant, irredeemable nerd) growing up, so my first viewing of Paul Verhoeven’s Starship Troopers adaptation filled me with incoherent nerd rage. Where was the powered armor? Why was everyone so bland and white? What the hell was going on, and why did this Dutch bastard ruin my second-favorite book ever!?! Years later, I came back to the movie after several friends recommended I give it another shot, and I found, much to my surprise and delight, that it was a brilliant deconstruction of the fascist ideology that existed just under the surface of the novel (and modern society…), full of sly, winking humor and cutting social commentary, not to mention some great action setpieces and kick-ass CGI bugs. The fact that it can also now be seen as a darkly prophetic look at the mentality behind the war on terror is just the cherry on top. (Oh, and the book? Not nearly as good as I thought as a kid.)"

Translation: I used to be a dumb kid. Now I'm a bitchin' Liberal!

Just stay away from Heinlein pinkoes!

Pump It Up

Dear Lord.

Please let this just be some made up Sun bullshit. Otherwise, I have no words.

Socialists Say The Darndest Things To Stay In Power

If you're a socialist creep and are having a hard time proving that capitalism destroys in the real world then you might as well point to a fictitous one.
Here

Busy Bodies...

So this gal moves to SF's SOMA (South of Market) district in 2007. That area is loaded with clubs. She starts complaining about the noise and the city temporarily revokes a club's liquor license as punishment.

The club is tired of it, so they post the gal's name and address above the city's sign explaining that the liquor license is temporarily revoked.

I squarely side with the club on this one. This is not the first time people have moved to SF and then gotten clubs and events shut down due to noise complaints.

You have to ask: Where the hell did you think you were moving to? The countryside????

More here.

Women's Groups Have Spoken Out Against Maher

And NOW is not one of them. At least as FOX News is concerned they are not. Maybe they have contacted other news sources, but...
"The National Organization for Women (NOW) refused to comment on Maher’s use of the derogatory term. A rep told FOXNews.com it is a “known fact” that NOW does not correspond with FOX News."
Like with Maher's Koran comments gaining very little reproach from the collective, somehow I gather he is off the hook with his Dumb Twat comment as well. Mostly because he insulted Palin and not because he is one of them. NOW agrees with Maher, I gather.
Update: NOW speaks up

A Lot More Spending And A Lot More Golfing, But Still The Same

Let's face it, Obama has taken so many of Bush's policies and made him his own, it's hard for me to criticize. Other than the health care plan Obama and the Dems cooked up, there doesn't seem to be that much of a difference. I could point to the trillion dollar stimulus, but then again Bush had 770 billion dollar TARP before he left office. And though reports are saying the banks have paid most of it back, I can't really say it was any different than Obama's, can I?
With Guatanamo, troops in Iraq, troop surge in Afghanistan, Bush tax cuts and now Libya (eventhough Obama stepped on his dick before finally getting in there. Hmmm, I wonder what it would have been like if he committed when the rebels were control). He is the same guy. Hopey-changey became exactly-samey. I even heard that Obama has own version of No Child Left Behind. Glorious!

Pole Dancing For Jesus

Hey, I've Got An Idea

Why don't we invite Israel to become our 51st state. I'm serious. It would do wonders for establishing a military presence in the middle east and we won't have to be blamed for picking favorites anymore. We can say, "of course we support Israel. They're Americans." Who's with me?

Obama Jokes Not Allowed

Lessen Your Hangover

With an enjoyable read. The writer gives a punch right to the gut in the very first line.

"INEFFECTUAL, invisible, unable to honour pledges and now blamed for letting Gaddafi off the hook. Why Obama’s gone from ‘Yes we can’ to ‘Er, maybe we shouldn’t’..."

Awesome!

Udpate: Here's another one.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

One Of The Many Things I Didn't Know

Obama has a drilling moratorium. Duh, right? Well that's not all.

If reading about his moratorium was too boring for you
maybe you would prefer to watch a video about it.

Watch This Trailer

and tell me if you laugh once.

Also Pretty Bitchin'

Sucker Punch done with Disney characters.

This is Pretty Sweet

Picture Of The Year

Here

Have To Admit

Loved this song.

Nuclear Debate On Fox

I Don't Get It (I Mean I Sorta Get It)

Is it me or does the tone seem to be COMPLETELY different with Libya than it was with Egypt.
I don't mean the media's tone, I mean with people in general. On Facebook or in the grocery store or at work or anywhere. Everyone seems to be indifferent about the whole affair. Conan, who was doing jokes daily, has been quiet and when our pop culture reference expert is quiet we know it's not worth thinking about.

BTW: In case anyone was wondering, Ghadaffi is on the verge of completely decimating the entire Libyan rebellion and no one is really talking about it. I find it sorta odd.

I think I know the reason too.
People look at the Egyptian rebellion as Gandhiesque. Peaceful. A peaceful uprising where students and tweeters and facebookers and shopworkers and whomever fits the mold rose up and disposed of a dictator American puppet. That and it only took a week.
Libya has become too bloody, too time consuming and too much work. The only way the rebellion will win this is if America or its allies get involved and we know that isn't going to happen.

But let's just say we did get involved. Oh man would that piss people off on Facebook.
All those facebook requests to copy and paste "Tell Obama to let Libya fight its own battles" would go to waste. Though I know this to be true, I sorta find that odd as well.
In my whole life it seems to me the only time I've ever heard the liberal collective allowing or asking for American involvement is in Darfur.
Does anyone even know where the Fuck Darfur is or what they do? Or am I proving the media is right-wing by saying that?

UPDATE: I'm changing my position. I'm going to give people the benefit of the doubt and say Japanese nuclear reactors has become more important. Which makes sense.

Show a Little Backbone, Hollywood

I'm already pretty certain that the remake of Red Dawn is going to be one of the biggest turds in the history of cinematic counter achievement, but just to make double certain Hollywood has gone ahead and changed the bad guys from Chinese to North Korean. They don't want to offend the Chinese, because they know they can make money off of them, so they are going in and digitally altering uniforms and flags in the movie to affect the change. Doesn't that seem strange to you? Doesn't it seem just as offensive to say, "Well, if we just change the flags the problem is solved. I mean, they all look the same anyway. Maybe we should just call them Asian aliens and say they're from another planet?"

Of course, the mere idea of not wanting to piss off the commies already chaps my ass, but now they expect me to suspend my disbelief enough to accept that somehow North fucking Korea is going to take over portions of the United States of America. Of course, if they were going to do it. right now would be the time. Under the current administration they would get to the Mississippi before we even assessed the situation.

Seriously, though, the link says that they have to change the opening scene to set up the story of a North Korean invasion rather than a Chinese invasion. I'm going to go ahead and suggest a scene wher the North Koreans discover magic. Powerful magic. Ugh, remakes.

Not The Onion

Here's an article about a mother who is suing her preschool to get back her child's $19,000 tuition as well as filing a class action suit to get even more. The reason is because the school supposedly promised to ready her child for some kind of preschoolers placement test, but instead made her four year old hang out with two year olds, thereby hurting her chances of someday getting into an Ivy League College. Fucking seriously, I did not make any of that up. You need to read the article or your going to miss gems like this:

The court papers implied the school could have damaged Lucia's chances of getting into a top college, citing an article that identifies preschools as the first step to "the Ivy League."

Whoever wrote an article about how fucking preschool is a gateway to Harvard needs to be taken out back and disposed of as inhumanely as possible. Look, I know that once people have babies, their brains generally turn to mush, but how can you blame them when this is the kind of child rearing material they are exposed to in the world?

The rest of the article contains some really outstanding lawyer speak, highlighted by the assurance that the child in question will bounce back and indeed gain exceptance into an Ivy League school some day. Thank God!

P.S. People who spend $19,000 on preschool for their little angels are fucking fucks.

If You Haven't Seen This Yet

Well now is your chance.
Make sure you read the post before viewing the video.

Oh, Thank God!

Finally, Hollywood weighs in on Wisconsin. Susan Sarandon has shown up to set everybody straight with this glorious quote:

“It’s a great opportunity that this idiot, uh, Walker has given us, to remember our strength and to remember that we are the many and they are the few,” Sarandon said. “Even though they have the wealth, we have something which is as important if not more important, and so I came just to say thank you and to remind them that we are watching, even if the media hasn’t been on top of it as much as they should have.”

Who doesn't love a well informed and constructive argument like that? I like to believe she then spent the next 20 minutes yelling "Fox lies!" at the camera.

Americans Will Soon Tire Of Obama Not Just Conservatives

I know that the majority of my respect for a politician depends on whether they have a (D) or an (R) in front of their name, but in reality, when all is said and done, politicians are politicians. They look like politicians, talk like politicians and piss us all off like politicians, but I would say many if not most work hard (I think) and have our best interests in mind (I hope)
But I'm telling you, this president doesn't even look like a politician anymore. He used to, but not anymore.
Now he looks like, I don't know, just some dude who is sitting in the most powerful chair in the world while everyone's backs are turned. Ya know, farting in the cushion, making nudie flip books and thinking to himself, "I wonder what it would be like to actually be the President. Oh the things I would accomplish. Hmmmm, one can only dream."

Fear the Media Meltdown, Not the Nuclear One

The writer of this post starts with

"Relax: this is not another Chernobyl or Three Mile Island, and I'll tell you exactly why. The only thing to fear is the sensationalist reporting that has the world panicked."

and in his update he writes this

"The frustrating part about writing on this stuff is that people don’t seem to have any middle setting between “everything is fine” and “run in circles scream and shout”. So saying “no, it’s not Chernobyl” is interpreted as “it’s nothing.”

So let’s go ahead and make this clear: no, it’s still not Chernobyl. But no, it’s not nothing."

It's a long read, but if you are interested in this nuclear explosion it's worth it

Boobs Can Kill

You Gotta Love the News

So, I'm watching the local news here in San Diego and the anchor goes on and on about radiation levels being reported on US ships deployed to assist in Japan. There are rumors of iodine pills and chemical baths. Just your basic, "Everybody must freak out!," speculation. They finally get a sailor from the Ronald Reagan on the line and he completely shoots down everything they've been "reporting." No iodine pills. Soap and water. Radiation levels comparable to spending a month living in the desert. Basically, nothing to see here, nobody's even concerned with any of the readings they've had so far. Ten minutes later, the local news is right back to reporting rumors of iodine pills and chemical baths. And then they turn around and say that people here in America are overreacting to the radiation threat and buying up all the iodine pills in the local CVS. Gee, I wonder what would make them freak out like that? Way to go, news! Fearmongering the ratings up since the dawn of ratings.

Update: Nevermind, I get it now.

New Word Of The Day

what·ev·er   /ʰwʌtˈɛvər, ʰwɒt-, ʰwət-, wʌt-, wɒt-, wət-/ Show Spelled
[hwuht-ev-er, hwot-, hwuht-, wuht-, wot-, wuht-] Show IPA

–pronoun
1. anything that (usually used in relative clauses): Whatever you say is all right with me.
2. (used relatively to indicate a quantity of a specified or implied antecedent): Take whatever you like of these.
3. no matter what: Do it, whatever happens.
4. any or any one of a number of things whether specifically known or not: papers, magazines, or whatever.
5. what (used interrogatively): Whatever do you mean?
–adjective
6. in any amount; to any extent: whatever merit the work has.
7. no matter what: whatever rebuffs he might receive.
8. being what or who it may be: Whatever the reason, he refuses to go.
9. of any kind (used as an intensifier following the noun or pronoun it modifies): any person whatever.
–interjection
10. (used to indicate indifference to a state of affairs, situation, previous statement, etc.) 10. (used to indicate indifference to a state of affairs, situation, previous statement, etc.)

Demagogues

Here is another definition

1.A political leader who seeks support by appealing to popular desires and prejudices rather than by using rational argument

2.(in ancient Greece and Rome) A leader or orator who espoused the cause of the common people

I Can't Believe I'm Linking A Bill Maher Interview

Bill Maher interviews Muslim congressman, Keith Ellison.

Shell Art is Over

Way to Ruin it for Everybody, Guy

Idiot teen jumps off Golden Gate Bridge during field trip and lives. In related news, there will probably never be another field trip to the Golden Gate Bridge or any other bridge in the US. Or anywhere else a teen might do something stupid. So, basically, no more field trips. Seriously, watch where the media will go with this.

Word of the Day

dem·a·gogue 

–noun

1. a person, especially an orator or political leader, who gains power and popularity by arousing the emotions, passions, and prejudices of the people.

2. (in ancient times) a leader of the people.

–verb (used with object)

3. to treat or manipulate (a political issue) in the manner of a demagogue; obscure or distort with emotionalism, prejudice, etc.

–verb (used without object)

4. to speak or act like a demagogue.

More Stuff That Sucks

So, I've already called out Queens of the Stone Age here for their boring, droning version of rock music that makes me car sick when I hear more than a couple of minutes of it at a time. Well, now it's time to stir the pot a little more.

Today, I'm looking at Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright, or as i like to call them, the Broken Lizard of England. These dudes are the masters of the swing and miss in my book. High concept meets low delivery.

Shawn of the Dead? Great idea. Where are the laughs? Killing zombies with LPs while riffing on the bands? Meh. Hiding out in a pub during the zombie apocalypse? What dedicated nerd over 21 hasn't thought of that? If you're going to play the zombie apocalypse for laughs, you got to have jokes and not just funny ideas.

Hot Fuzz? Pretty much the same. Clever ideas with no real payoff. Ooooh, the old people are foul mouthed gun toting criminals! Hilarious.

Run, Fatboy Run? Never saw it.

And now we have Paul. The alien is a stoner! Nuff said.

The Broken Lizard crew does the same thing, but at least they cater to my refined sensibilities with lots of gratuituos boobs, so they remain at least partially relevant in my opinion.

So there it is. These guys suck. I'm sorry if you didn't already know. And I'm sorry if you disagree, but at least I left Ricky Gervais alone. For now.

Boys Will Be Boys

Wow!

The Blindside

So, I saw the movie The Blinside yesterday. I hadn't really ever cared to see it before, but I was laid up sick and it was On Demand, so I figured, "Why not?" I mean, wasn't his an Academy Award Nominee. Didn't Sandra Bullock win Best Actress? How bad could this thing be?

Ugh, what a glorified after school special! I know this movie was based on a true story, but the artistic license here is pretty obvious. This movie contains some of the most offensive overuse of outrageous stereotyping I've ever seen. And as someone who's pretty okay with stereotyping as a whole, that's saying a lot. This film panders to white guilt in a way that makes Crash look wishy-washy in it's messaging.

And hey, Hollywood, if you're going to insist on casting Miss Congeniality in a role where she has to speak in a thick southern accent for two hours, be prepared for me to assume your movie is a some kind of ridiculous family comedy. I kept expecting a Saint Bernard to kick a game winning field goal.

By all means, though, if you love annoying child actors go see The Blindside right now, because they found the most annoying one. Ever. Two thumbs down and Hollywood can eat a dick.

Pretty Funny.

I finally caught an episode of Portlandia the other night. This was part of one of the skits. the whole thing was pretty funny.

Regret Your Life.

Seriously, if you were a student in college right now you'd be balls deep in live dildo shows and Chet Haze performances.



Chet Haze, yo! Your college experience is invalid.

Video Friday

A Ween outtake
A little bitty snack for Blogust

New Career Path?

I've noticed that with the utter lack of creativity in Hollywood that directors tend to use songs that perfectly fit the action on the screen. For instance, in a Vietnam War move you are likely to get a scene with "Run Through the Jungle" playing while soldiers are literally running through the jungle. Or you might have a montage in a rom-com of a person going on a string of bad dates to the tune of "Lookin' for Love." Hell, there's a movie coming out today called Take Me Home Tonight which prominently features Eddie Money's "Take Me Home Tonight" in the ads. So, I've decided it's time to write songs specifically for movies. I've started on a song for use in a heavy firefight:

The guns are blazing hard and fast
Good guys backs against the wall
But here comes the guy you thought was dead
We could win this after all!

Fighting for freedom
Or against a drug cartel
Or maybe against some kidnappers
We’re gonna give ‘em hell

How sick is that?! Now, if anybody is interested in helping me out with some rockin' guitar licks just let me know. I expect this to be highly lucrative, so let's get to work!!!

Time...to Die.

They're remaking Blade Runner. I'm not surprised. They've remade or rebooted every movie I ever loved or are in the process of doing so as we speak. On a certain level, I get it. A lot of times old Sci-Fi gets redone because technology has advanced to the point where people feel they can better tell the original story. They're almost always wrong, but I understand the compulsion to try. But Blade Runner didn't rely much on effects at all. In fact it seemed to shy away from over the top production, opting for the moody and gritty feel that helped to make the movie great. The film could be released as is today and barely look or feel outdated. Nothing you can do with modern effects could improve on the original. No cast would rise above the original's. The story will undoubtedly suffer from some inclusion of modern "sensibilities." Truthfully, though, any artistic motivation to upgrade such a classic is secondary anyway. The only thing that really matters is that it'll have a huge opening weekend. Fuck hollywood.

Big Fat Upate!: Apparently, when the rights were sold it was explicitly for the creation of prequels and/or sequels, but the deal specifically statess there is to be no remake of the original. I feel a little better now.

Required Reading For All Americans

So says the the Secretary of Defense

The Corey Haim Snub

The Academy Awards had a memorium segment and totally left out Corey Haim? What's up with that? Sure Haim turned out to be a total douche but I loved Lost Boys and Lucas and... and... and.. ok, that's it, but still. Those two were definitely worth a second or two in the memorium segment, right?