Oh, Willie, What Have You Done?

Willie Nelson has written and produced a new song about how all cowboys have a woman inside of them and want to get with other cowboys and all that kind of garbage. Seriously. I am so sick of having homosexuality shoved down my throat (no pun intended). I'm sure Brokeback Mountain is just chock full of cinematic merit, but it's not my cup of tea. Truth is, I'm not all that crazy about weepy heterosexual relationship films. Have you seen the Notebook? What a horrendous piece of crap that is. If I go through the rest of my life without ever seeing the great Jim Rockford sobbing like a little girl again, it'll be too soon. So don't tell me that just because I don't want to see Heath Ledger smooth on up on Donnie Darko, I'm some sort of homophobic prick. Instead, write a letter to Hollywood and tell them to load up their next gay love anthem with some car chases and surface-to-air missiles. Or how about a gay sports agent? Oh, nevermind, they already did that. But put something in there for me and I'll give it a look. I can always go get popcorn or play Missile Command in the lobby during the tender parts.

And to Willie Nelson, who decided to take it upon himself to out the entire state of Texas and beyond, what happened to you? You're dead to me.